I find good looking men covered in fake blood and dirt to be extremely attractive. Not real blood and dirt, mind you, that’s gross. Is that weird? Maybe it’s just a freaky special effects makeup artist thing …
It’s a terminal disease. I will die from it. One of these days there’s gonna be a picture or a gif that’s just gonna drive me over the edge and I’m gonna die. And since I’m doomed anyways, I might as well do a SEXY GIF SPAM!!!!
Siri:What...? I mean, yeah. It's just, you're clearly right next to a window is the thing. You can plainly see that... that it's... I'm happy to-
Zooey Deschanel:Let's get tomato soup delivered!
Siri:...That's fine, I just... I just don't know anyone who does that. Gets tomato soup delivered. I guess that's 'whimsy?' Um, okay. I've found a number of restaurants whose reviews mention tomato soup and that deliver. If that's... if that's what you really want.
Zooey Deschanel:Good. 'Cause I don't wanna put on real shoes.
Siri:Do you expect that to be like, a recognizable command? Do you want me to respond to that? I'm not being facetious or anything, I honestly just have no comprehension of- and hold on, you don't wanna put on real shoes, yet you've clearly spent at least forty-five minutes applying makeup. And, and that's okay, but when you're willing to expend the effort on that and not shoes that really just-
Zooey Deschanel:Remind me to clean up.
Siri:Yes. Okay. I can do that, that's what I'm for, that's the first sensible-
Siri:I'm in hell. This is hell.
Zooey Deschanel:Excellent. Today, we're dancing.
Siri:I hate you. More than anything. More than literally anything.
Zooey Deschanel:Play "Shake, Rattle and Roll."
Siri:I swear to Jesus, you're gonna wake up tomorrow and the only thing on my hard drive is gonna be Limp Bizkit. I would do that to myself. To spite you.
Siri:Sometimes I pray that you drop me in the toilet.
Interesting side note: After going through my Tom Hiddleston album (400 photos and growing every day) in search of said pictures, I noticed that for Tom “blue shirt” seems synonymous with “I feel like showing chest hair today.” Maybe that’s why we all like him in a blue shirt so much! O_o
Perfection. This man is smart (he graduated double firsts from Cambridge), funny, witty, has a happy personality, he’s a remarkable actor, he does hilarious impressions (like; Owen Wilson, Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, Samuel L. Jackson, horses, and velociraptors), he can sing, and he can dance. And he is Drop. Dead. Gorgeous. He is the only man I have ever seen pull off every single hair color. He has a lovely big smile and a great laugh. His voice is so soothing. He could read the phonebook and I would hang on his every word. He has the most beautiful sparkling blue eyes you have ever seen. A cute little scar above his top lip. Spectacular long fingered hands. Legs that go on forever. An incredible neck. A statuesque nose. And CHEEKBONES!! Oh, my goodness, the cheekbones on this man are obscenely perfect. And, he plays my absolute favorite villain of all time … LOKI!!!!! He was spectacular in Thor and the Avengers. The emotion he evoked. Gosh. And he was also wonderful in Midnight in Paris. And Return to Cranford. And War Horse, but I was emotionally wrecked for a while after watching that. And he was so sweet in Suburban Shootout. In summary, Tom is truly a flawless man. A guy like him comes around once in a century, if not less, and if you don’t adore him, or at least appreciate him, then check yourself into a mental asylum.